Laurie Snider
Notes from the Nest
Our oldest child, Curtis, met his fiancee, Sarah, while they were both students attending Queen’s University. Now, after several years of dating and living together for a few, they are set to marry in a little over three months. The fun thing about weddings, is all of the reasons for parties to celebrate the couple and their impending nuptials. The first of these were held this past weekend.
In the days of old, when a couple decided to marry, a bride’s hand came complete with a dowry. For any younger readers out there, a dowry was the money or goods that a bride’s father gave to her new husband and/or family, when the couple married. It’s an ancient custom that’s been practiced all over the world and in many parts of the world continues to this day.
A sizable dowry, increased a woman’s desirability and chances of being married off. It was a means of ensuring she’d be comfortable and properly taken care of in case her husband should pass away before her. Her dowry would be inherited by her own children. In the circumstances of divorce or abuse, the dowry was to be returned.
A dower could include such things as money, jewels, land, precious metals or even furniture. Being the father of many daughters could prove to be a costly adventure. Later, dowries evolved into bridal trousseau’s and then hope chests, where a bride would collect goods, as preparation for a future marriage.
In 16th Century Holland, as an alternative to a dowry, friends and families would provide small gifts to the bride, to help her begin married life. This was especially relevant if the bride’s father was too poor to provide a dowry, or if he was opposed to the match in the first place.
They tell an ancient folk tale of a well-to-do daughter, who falls for a miller’s son, instead of the wealthy pig farmer her father had chosen for her. Typical of the times, her father threatened to withdraw her dowry, if she proceeded with the union. Of course, her friends came to the rescue with gifts of their own when they learned of this. As is usual, in stories such as this, her hard-hearted father, so touched by their generous gesture, relented and consented to the marriage after all. Showering brides to be with gifts, has been customary since.
During the Victorian era, tea parties with cakes, pastries, tea and other sweets were served to celebrate. In North America, Bridal showers can be traced back to the 1890s, where ladies of the upper echelons of society, would throw them to celebrate, gossip, give gifts, share food and give advice to the bride. Gifts would be placed in small, paper parasols and showered over the bride, hopefully no toasters or cast-iron frying pans!
Bachelorettes, hen parties or stagettes, held for a woman before marrying, are less about gifts and directed more to letting loose and saying farewell to maiden days. Imbibing and telling stories of a more intimate nature, may be involved. For more reserved ladies, pampering parties involving spa treatments or cooking classes are also welcome alternatives.
As early as the 5th Century B.C, the Spartans, celebrated a groom’s last night as a single man, with dinner, drinking and toasts. Bachelor meant, “a young knight in training,” which was referred to in Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales. In the 19th Century, bachelor parties were black-tie affairs, hosted by the groom’s father involving food, drink and toasts, similar to the Spartans.
In the 1980s, for some, things became more extravagant, involving destination parties, away for weekends, involving heavy drinking and scantily clad women.
Alternatively, “Jack and Jill” parties are frequently held for the bride and groom by friends and families and often serve as fundraisers to give the couple a hand-up.
For Sarah’s gathering, we remained fairly traditional. An afternoon get-together, with a lovely group of women, to wish her well. Tasty food, punch and sweets were served, in a room decorated with blue and white pouffes and a fancy chair, especially adorned with ribbons and lace for the bride.
As is the usual custom at bridal showers, the bride and guests played several lively and amusing games, as ice-breakers and for good-natured entertainment. She was then showered with gifts, but we opted out of placing them in a parasol and dumping them on her.
A short way away, the groom-to-be and several gentlemen, had a wee get together of their own. I’m not privy to many details, but rumours abound, involving an oversized Rabbit suit and some paintball guns.
Most importantly, a husband and wife to be were celebrated and loved by family and friends, as we all look forward to their upcoming wedding.